I feel like I'm not drawing enough. There is something I'm working on, but I'm too lazy to even finish it in one sitting.

I'm probably just burned out or whatever but it sucks lol.

Last year my Christmas wasn't great. This year, its probably going to be worse. Here's why.

For starters, I don't want to see my family anymore this year. They make me uncomfortable and have to make a comment about my mental state or diet every minute.

Thanksgiving was when I really lost hope. I got about 8 scars, mostly on my legs, and a really bad one on my arm. I reached out to my great grandmother about how I have been feeling for the last months, and that didn't make things better. I had an hour long uncomfortable talk with her, and the day after she did exactly what I told her not to do, tell my nana about the entire conversation we held. I left my computer at home so I could enjoy the holidays, but that didn't help. I had nobody to contact and I couldn't do the only things that gave me comfort, so for those last few days, all I wanted to do was get back to Pittston.

Secondly, I'm just not really into Christmas as much as I used to. I didn't ask for much, because..I simply didn't want anything big. Back when I was younger, this time of year was when I was incredibly energetic. Counting down the days until the 25th and waking up to see a butt load of presents under the tree. That feeling doesn't exist anymore, now I'm just...neutral with the holiday, I don't know if its because I'm boring or depressed or what. Losing the Christmas spirit, I guess.

So to the people who knew me on my older accounts, I just wanna say sorry for PUBLICLY posting NSFW content on my page, even though I'm a minor + I was aware most of my followers were minors. People tried to warn me about the consequences of doing this, but I didn't listen.

I now realize how stupid this was of me. I shouldn't be posting this stuff anyway, and If I do make explicit content, I'll only share it with close friends.

I really do wan't to be on this site, but Ive been through so much controversy, lost many friendships, broke many boundaries, etc, so I isolate myself from it. For the past few months, ive been trying to recover from my abusive behavior and change, but I don't feel like I made progress.